photo by Roanin
So, here we are. Twelve years. TWELVE FREAKING YEARS!!!!Fourteen years ago I met this boy. He was not what I expected. He was not my type. As it turns out, I needed an unexpected cowboy outside my comfort zone. My comfort zone was way off.
We spent a year flirting, dating and daring to use the "L" word. But it was on our first date that I knew. He was it. He was the one. Sounds insane, but it is true. I remember him picking me up from the apartment I shared with my two roommates. He came in, met them, and then we went out. Once he had dropped me off, I came in to find my two roommates waiting up for me on the couch. They were bright-eyed and full of smiles. I shut the door and they both tackled me, screaming, "He's the ONE, isn't he?!?!?!" And all I could do is beem back at them. He was.
We spent a year planning our wedding and our lives. We dreamed, planned and prepared. We worked our little tooshies off building a strong platform for the marriage that would be our future. It was so great. Like the way they portray it in the movies. Pure bliss.
We spent our first year exploring what it meant to be married. This came with good and bad. The relationship with my dad and stepmother became especially tumultuous, which provided lots of opportunities for Shawn and I to disagree, fight, scream, cry (mostly me), regroup and then figure out how to come together again. Figure out how to lean on this new foundation and make it even stronger than where we had come from and trust it to take us into the future. It was so hard. Perhaps one of the hardest years of my life. It was so unknown. It came with no instructions. It was easy to doubt, easy to want to give up on, easy to want to run to our own corners and want to stay there. But by some miracle, we somehow figured out that from the day we decided to be together - there simply were no more corners. It was no longer about ourselves...it was about us. The partnership took the place of the individual. Always. This is a hard lesson to learn, but one that I know set us up for success.
We spent our first chapter building that partnership. We moved around and figured out aspects about location that we liked and didn't. We worked and figured out what our priorities were going to be once we began to add little babies into the equation. We loved animals and figured out that the important lessons about responsibility and compassion. We fought and figured out each other's hot buttons. We dreamed and made plans of how to make those dreams come true. We learned how important it was to guard what we were building from the world. We guarded our time, our conversations, our love. We worked hard and played hard. And we did it all together.
We spent our second chapter making little humans. It took our relationship to the next level. Seeing yourself and the person you love the most mixed together in a living, breathing object is beyond crazy. It is something that can't even be described...only experienced. Three in heaven and two here on earth - they are ours. Completely dependent on us; innocently willing to trust us and follow our lead. Not a day has gone by that I don't get my mind completely blown by this responsibility and honor. And I couldn't have asked for a better partner in it.
We are currently in the third chapter. Thus far, it has involved a painful decision to break away from the toxic relationship we had with my family. It has involved a commitment to our family, and an intense faith in what that means now and in the future. It has involved decisions to make that work. A move to a new place, with a healthy and clean slate. An understanding and a respect for what the other has gone through and willingness to help each other heal. A support for each other's talents. A promise to push each other to be the best we know we can be. A unwillingness to settle. A spirit of adventure and desire to live life, and be masters of our family's destiny. An ability to call bullshit on each other if the situation warrants it. And it has involved a lot of love. Sometimes that love has come easy, sometimes it has had to be a decision. But it has always been there.
I know I am lucky. Even when I think back to that first date when I knew Shawn was it, I had no idea how great he was. I don't think I even had the capacity to think that big. I was so lucky to have a push from the universe toward this man. I had done nothing to deserve him. I wasn't a great dater, picker of guys, or relationshiper. I hadn't envisioned a man like Shawn since I was a little girl. I was just lucky.
BUT, I know that luck isn't the only thing that has landed us into twelve years. It was also all that work. It was all that struggle, and the perseverance of staying in the ring even when there were no corners to hide in. It was the commitment to keep trying, even in the face of not having a clue what to do next. It came from thinking about us, and not ourselves. It wasn't easy at first...in fact, it sucked. But each year that has gone by, it has gotten easier. And I am tempted to write something like "I'm so glad we are to the easy part and we can relax" but I know that couldn't be farther from the truth. I think the only way it stays easy is to make a decision each day to fight like hell. Fight against the stress. Fight against the differences. Fight against society. Fight against apathy. Fight against human nature. Fight against anything that could harm this beautiful thing that we are creating together. Fight for us.
Happy Anniversary, Sweet Pea. I love you.
