life interrupted

Why not end a long silence on the blog with an awkward selfie?  Okay, now that that is taken care of...let's do a little catch up.

There is no way to organize the craziness that has been the last few months so I will attempt some sort of bullet point strategy to hobble along.

• Roanin LOVES his school.  Like, really, really loves it.  Two situations to prove it: the other day he remarked on the way to school (this is like 8 in the morning people...so you know it was not based on something that had just happened) that he wanted to go to this school until he dies.  My heart and body did a little dance right then and there while others drivers stared and judged.  Also, last week I attempted to surprise Roanin by bringing Rex and picking him up 30 minutes early from school so that we could go to the last day of the Dinosaurs Alive! display at the museum.  I emailed his teacher and then waited at the school office at a couple of minutes before 3:00.  At 3:01 I heard his little sneakers squeaking down the hall so Rex and I popped out of the office and said, "Surprise!" only to realize that he had a look of pure hurt and frustration on his poor little face and I could tell was fighting back the tears to prove it.  When I asked what was wrong, they spilled out while he exclaimed, "WHY DID YOU GET ME OUT EARLY?!?!?! MY SCHOOL DAY IS NOT FINISHED AND YOU ARE MAKING ME MISS STORYTIME AND SLOAN'S GRANDMA IS READING A BOOK ABOUT DOLPHINS AND SHE BROUGHT SPECIAL COOKIES WITH M&M's IN THEM AND ..." I made a feeble attempt at describing the dinosaur exhibit but am not sure he even heard through the continued laundry list of things he would be missing out on.  I had to make a tough parenting call and decided to deal with the consequence of Rex's disappointment of missing the exhibit later and told Roanin he could go back to class to finish out the day if he wanted to.  He turned on his heel and literally ran back to his little first grade class before I could even finish my sentence.  That makes me so happy.  
• We got a puppy.  And OMG why did no one warn me that having a puppy is exactly like having a newborn?!?!?!  They should totally advertise that somewhere, although I'm pretty sure puppy sales might plummet...unless they look like this:

His name is Woodrow and he is such a smooshy faced doll baby.  Although he looks just like Professor, he reminds me so much of our Dalmatian, Ickabod, who we had to have put to sleep about 5 years ago.  He is a total momma's boy and is getting the hang of things slowly but surely.  After a frighting (both emotionally and financially) battle with Parvo, he is healthy as a horse and we have the dog food bill to prove it.  

• In other animal news, we got two new bunnies who are pretty adorable and relatively low maintenance but added to the growing zoo we are accumulating...makes for A LOT of animals.  Their names are Stormy and Sunshine.  They live outside, although Stormy is litter box trained and loves to come inside.  They boys love them, and I am pretty sure the feeling is mutual. 
  
• Shawn turned 40 in August.  FORTY! 
  

 I have a little post all its own I want to do for that in the future, but I thought it was worth noting.  He is such an amazing man.  My bff, my baby-daddy, and pretty easy on the eyes.  He was in Chicago for a 100 mile bike race with his buddies for the big day, but we didn't let him off too easy here it home when he got back.  We like a good celebration now and then.  

• I'm struggling a little bit with figuring out how to soak up my last year with Rexy at home in the afternoons, maintaining things at home, being present in Roanin's new school, dealing with the herd of animals we have roaming around the house, figuring out which dreams I feel daring enough to chase and how that will fit into an already tight schedule and overall just figuring myself out.  I feel like I am continuing to make progress on becoming New Sarah, and am making great strides in my healing process but I know I still have work to do.  More to come.  
• Let's just end on a few million pictures, shall we?

Thanks for stopping by.

Playing Ball

The oldest started tball this spring.  It was quite an experience for all of us.  

We all had different emotions going into it.  Roanin was excited with the idea of a new sport.  A few months before signups he was thrilled with the idea of baseball.  Shawn, having played baseball all of his life and even a stint in college, was over the moon.  From picking out the gear, to teaching Roanin the basics...this was right up his alley.  I was pretty excited myself, with the idea of one of a kid's rites of passage being upon us and kind of got lost in the idea of grass-stained white baseball pants and all kinds of gear laying around the house followed by junk food from the concession stand.

Once the season actually arrived, Shawn and I were still strong in our excitement for what we knew was going to be great.  Roanin, on the other hand, became timid and apprehensive about the experience and fought us about going and participating.  His little shy instincts reared their head and demonstrated their staying power.  

Each game was met with the same discussion.  Lots of excuses, concerns and tears were followed with listening, reassuring and eventually pushing.  As parents, we were really sucker punched with this one. Although Roanin has always been shy, he has recently started really preferring to stay home and in comfortable and familiar situations.  We found ourselves struggling not to turn into Dance Moms but also push our little boy to not shy away from things that scare him.  This often called for split second decisions of how to handle it in front of an entire team of his peers and their parents.  Yeah...that was fun.

That's my Roanin.  On base, with one toe holding his ground, as not to push the third baseman off.  *sigh*

We gently pushed, and he would eventually go and try.  And it was good.  

As I sat in the bleachers the first few practices and games, I noticed that this is like the start of the real world.  Up until now, Roanin has taken familiar, consistent and gentle directions mainly from Shawn and I.  The only exceptions being his school teachers and the leaders in any little activities.  But almost all the outside leadership has been female and as touchy-feely as you would expect from someone working with 5 year olds.  

The tball coaches were as sweet and as kind as they could be, but they are men.  And strangers.  And they aren't exactly trained in coddling and the skill of helicopter mothering.  They are like the training wheels of little boys entering the world.  The crutches used from the inside to the outside.  Watching good efforts and injuries from a foul ball being handled like they should be handled for a 6 year old boy about to start first grade was a little like riding a roller coaster for me.  I was simultaneously thrilled and scared shitless.  Watching my baby be challenged and watching him rise to the occasion was so amazing.  But silencing that weird voice in my head that was encouraging me to stop the game and run to him and dry his tears on third base was murder.  I just had to sit there on those fiberglass bleachers and feel my mommy heart stretch and tear a little bit so that we can both get to that next level.  

And the boy can HIT.  Catching and throwing were a little painful to watch, but that sucker knows how to swing a bat.  Even when they moved to farm pitch, he would pound one after the next.  But even with the skill to play the game, my little guy would quietly follow all of his team members from infield to out, from the batting box to the team circle.  Never first, almost always last.  

But he was there.  And he was growing.  And I was there.   And I was growing.  And I was quiet unless I needed to be otherwise.  

And I watched his shy little demeanor and I learned from it.  

This little guy was his number one fan.  

At one game, I finally succumbed to Rexy's requests to use my big camera.  He was thrilled.  Like 387 photos, thrilled.  

And I'm so glad I did.  There was something so delicious about watching my littlest demonstrating how enthralled he is with his brother and actually just being able to sit back and watch it play out.  

Of the 387 photos, he did get a couple of winners.  Like this one of Roanin running the bases.  

And this one....probably my favorite one of the season.

So twice each week, to and from the field, Shawn and I showed him our best versions of confidence and eagerness for challenge and opportunity and excitement for the possibility of fun.  Because things just seem easier when you have someone demonstrating them for you.  The hope is that he gains this skill now, when the stakes basically boil down to being included in the tball group picture, so that in the future, when he is hesitant to chase his dreams or hesitant to ask The One to marry him...he remembers how good it feels to sometimes let go and just let yourself rise to the occasion.  

And then he will have to completely relearn how to do it on the ball field of his first child's tball game.