schooling

For the two years we have lived in Omaha, Roanin has attended the Montessori school that is close to our house.  We chose it because he had started as a 3 year old in a Montessori back in Texas and felt like the familiarity with the Montessori Method would help with his transition here...not to mention I am obsessed with this type of schooling method and love it to pieces.  His kindergarten year went great, but due to the fact that the kinder year is spent in the same classroom as the first and second year...it was very familiar and anti-climatic.  We all missed out on the first day of kindergarten freak out session and the "my baby is all grown up feelings" that I have heard horror stories about.

*cue this year*

Sneek-a-Peek Night at Roanin's new school

We decided to make a switch.  I adore Montessori and think that the education system in America would actually do better if it had more of these concepts Incorporated into it, but there were things about Roanin's experience that needed some consideration.  First, as is traditional at all Montessori schools, the bulk of the learning experience is done through independent initiation of works.  Teachers don't tell you what to do for the most part...the students tell the teacher what they are interested in and ask for help if they need it.  Although Roanin has a work ethic like you wouldn't believe, his timidness finds him often looking for cues about what to actually hone in on.  His teachers told me at conferences that they would often find out Roanin had a question about something in the class only after they approached him and asked him why he had not chosen a new work to pursue.  He had the desire, and the potential to be successful at something, but would sit quietly because other children were asserting their questions and he didn't want to barge in.  Secondly, and a point that could have potentially cancelled out many of the problems of the first if it were different, but our school was extremely small.  Roanin had a small pool of his peers and an even tinier few that he latched onto and got his cues from.

I had a great public school experience as a child.  From the time I moved to my school in 2nd grade through my graduation day, I loved it.  I learned a lot (for the most part).  I made life long friends to whom I still share my most intimate secrets and get the honor of listening to theirs.  Shawn's public school experience was not so great.  Shawn was very shy as a child and also laid claim to a horrible case of undiagnosed (and unnoticed - WTF) dyslexia to boot.  So he was often under the radar...and really off the radar for that matter.  He didn't learn a lot and doesn't talk to a soul from high school.

I began snooping around.  I looked at our public schools, local private schools, parochial schools, and reevaluated our current learning situation.  It kind of became a case of having too many good options...and I won't bore you or annoy you with the details but a decision still loomed.  I toured and grilled other moms I knew for their opinion.  I lured kids with juiceboxes and drilled them about their school experience.  I will even admit to finding a way to fit school history into cocktail conversations with adults who I respect and think are thriving in life in order to accomplish some weird no-where-close-to-scientific study in my head.  If you haven't figured it out yet - I tend to over think things a bit.

*sigh*

So the decision finally was reached.  We chose a school in a neighboring district and I wrote the dissertation that was necessary to have a chance at getting into it.  And we waited.  And we heard back.  And we celebrated.  And then I overthunk some more and got nervous.  And then we got his teacher assignment and list of classmates.  And then we cheered some more.  And then we got backpacks and supplies and laid out clothes.  And then it was the night before the first day and I felt a lump in my stomach.

There it was.  It was the elusive "my baby is grown up feeling" and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I woke up the next morning and found that it had found a partner, reproduced itself 14 fold and picked up the skill of breathing fire all overnight.

German tradition of first day of school Schultutes for the boys.

We give ours the night before as to avoid the sugar dump right before class.

So Rexy and I walked him in, and I disguised my disheveled new emotion with lots of smiles and pats on the back and blurry photo opps with my phone.  But it was happening and I couldn't breathe.  We walked down the loooooooong hallways and pointed to all the cool new things about this school.  A lunchroom that is also a gym!  My own cubby!  My own desk!  A girl named Rowan in my classroom! And she's cute!  But for each new thing that was cool, I could have listed off 100 that were not cool about this little baby of mine being able to perhaps make this walk tomorrow by himself.

Rex and I returned home and I sat down at my desk to shuffle things around to feel productive and avoid a pretend play marathon with overly-eager Rexy.  I came upon an old notebook that I had when we were living in Idaho and had our first born.  Roanin had some nursing problems for the first few weeks and we didn't know and were trying to troubleshoot the situation by any means necessary.  At the suggestion of the pediatrician, I kept a detailed log of Roanin's life....eating, sleeping, mood, etc.  As I studied this detailed list of Roanin's life from his first few days, I was shocked at where I find myself today...just six short years later.  Somehow I have catapulted from knowing every ounce he ingested and every minute he slept to waving at him through the glass door of a K-6 public elementary school and then spending the next six and a half hours obsessing about what he is possibly doing and how he is feeling.  If he is making friends and whether he is making good choices.  Wondering if he ate all his lunch and if he is being bullied at recess.  And the dichotomy is MIND BLOWING.

For me, parenting never ceases to surprise me.  The second I am somewhat comfortable with where we are at, and I feel as if I might possibly be getting into the groove of things...we free fall to the next level where everything is completely the opposite and no one has explained anything and yet everyone seems to be watching and quick to criticize if you don't get it right straight out of the shoot.

Roanin made it through the first day.  And even more shocking, so did I.  He was elated when I picked him up...with news of recess and PE, with the report of having his name on Super Student all day,  with directions about what he would like in his lunch the next day so he has time to finish it all before recess and with a toothless grin that tells me we made the right decision.

And even if we hadn't...it would all still be okay.