Phase 2 - for reals

Lake of the Ozarks - Summer 2012

I have a friend who has kids just a tish older than mine.  When her kids were my kids' ages, I remember her talking about "Phase 2."  She would talk about the benefits of this new stage with her kids...increased independence, flexibility with their schedules, more ability to communicate, etc.  She would also occasionally complain about the new challenges this phase brought to the table.  Being in the deepest and darkest trenches of Phase 1, I found myself sometimes longing for this new and mysterious phase.  I imagined what it would be like to not be locked down with nap schedules or how it would feel to go without being in charge of someone else's bodily waste for just one full day.  What would it feel like to not have baby boobs, or to have a conversation at dinner that didn't revolve around the reasons why flying peas were inappropriate.  So that, my friends, is why I declared entrance into Phase 2 way back when we were living in Texas.  Remember?  Yeah....that wasn't Phase 2.  I was wrong.  Just because both boys were able to use a toilet did not end up providing me membership privileges to the elusive club.  But I didn't know that until this last month.

We have officially entered Phase 2.  I am not sure what exactly made me realize, but Shawn and I both agree that not only are we here...we might have kinda done a quadruple-flip-cannonball-bellyflop into the middle of it.  Is it great?  yes.  Is it different?  very much.  Is it as scary as walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls blindfolded with no harness?  uhhh....yeah.  kinda like that.

I am so grateful to be raising these two little men.  I feel so lucky and it truly is the best job in the world.  But in true Sarah-form, I am realizing that even more than anything I have taken seriously before...I take this job very seriously and want to do it perfectly.  I want the checklist of the perfect parent so that I can get to work on it to make sure I don't miss anything and everything works out ok.  I want to make sure not only I make every right parenting decision, but that my kids never suffer any consequences and that don't have struggle.  I want them to have every perfect aspect of my childhood minus all the shitty stuff all the while having a blast and being totally well-rounded, athletic, grateful, well-rested and semi-presentable in the 10000 pics I take each day to document this whole damn thing.

Well...within the last 3 or 4 weeks, that bubble has been burst and the reality of parenting has exploded all over this place, which, is a good thing.  Of course, I knew all along that this view of parenting wasn't really appropriate or realistic...it was just kind of what I thought I should be doing.  But as it turns out, I am figuring out no one has it all figured out because there is no right way.  No map.  No directions.  You can't even really trust the footprints of those who have walked before you because you are a different parent and you are raising different kids.  I'm scared to admit that I think you might not even be any wiser by your second (or third, or ninth) go round because each one of your kids is different.  Wow...if that is not a gut shot to a perfectionist who insists on efficiency, I don't know what is.


So, what is a girl to do?  I guess the same thing every other human in the world is doing.  Do the best you can, with what you got, and don't look back.  Move forward.  With confidence.  With love.  With a loose plan and with tons of wiggle room.  And most importantly (and this one is the hardest for me), with an appreciation of how freaking lucky I am to struggle through this thing called parenthood.  Because with all of its pitfalls and sidewinders, it is a pretty good gig.