6

Dear Roanin,

Six years ago something miraculous happened.  You were born.  You came into our world and immediately made your presence known (literally...your little head popped out and you started screaming bloody murder before I could even push your shoulders out of my body - Dad and the doctor were a little frightened).  

Having a child has been all the things that I would expect.  Big love.  Big memories.  Big lessons.  Big responsibility.  Big fun.  You have been the ring leader in all of them.  You are are first, and we get to experience all of these things first with you.  

But there has also been something so unexpected that has happened to me as your mother.  I have developed dreams, aspirations and plans for my sweet little hazel-eyed son who I adore - deliberate things that I do each day to try to make your life good and happy and the best that it can be.  But I have also been overcome with an urgency to make sure that I am the best that I can be...for you.  

There are moments when I look at your sweet little face and realize that you watch me.  You listen to me.  You drink me in.  You are shaping your inner voice and your perspective on life right now based on what is around you...and much of that time involves me.  

The very thought of that weighty honor and responsibility makes me feel like I am cresting the biggest hill of the highest roller coaster in the world.  Scared and exhilarated and kind of like I could either squeal or throw up or both.  

Son, I promise you that I am trying, and will continue to try my best.  I will put everything into being the best version of myself that is possible.  I will love myself.  I will love your Daddy.  I will love you and your chubby little brother until you think you can't stand me anymore and then I will vamp it up times ten million.  I will honor our family and make hard decisions.  I will love you enough to say no.  I will make you earn your keep even when I feel like just letting you slide.  I will laugh as often as I can so that  hopefully that is the melody in your memories.  

I want you to know that you have made me a better person.  Everyday.  It is beyond an honor to be your mother.  It is a privilege that I don't take lightly and I intend to do everything I can fathom to respect it and nurture it.  

Thank you for being such a gift.  Thank you for giving me your birth day.  Thank you for your strong will, your forgiveness, your intensity, your humor, your respect, your loyalty, your compassion and for just being you.

I love you little bear.  Happy birthday.

Love,

Mom